• Codependents' lives are greatly influenced by the addicted person's behavior. They may direct so much energy toward the addicted person that they have none left for themselves.
• Codependents grow used to being with an addicted person. Sometimes, their behavior encourages the person's addiction.
• Anyone can be codependent - spouses, parents, children, brothers and sisters, friends and even co-workers of an addicted person.

• Recognize the effects another person's addiction has on their lives
• Take control of their own feelings and actions
• Conquer the pain of living - and suffering - with an addicted person.
• Give up trying to control the addicted person

• Denial. Family and friends may find it hard to accept that a loved one has a serious problem.
• Feelings of Responsibility. They may feel they somehow caused the problem. Or, they may think they can control the person's behavior and cure the addiction.
• Anger or Shame. The addicted person's harmful or embarrassing actions can lead to great resentment.

• Hiding the Problem. To protect the family members from feeling ashamed, they may stop:
  • discussing feelings
  • having visitors
• Trying to Control the Person. For example, the family may try to stop the alcoholic from buying alcohol, or control the gambler's free time.
• Making Excuses for the Person. Calling in sick for a drunk person is an example of this kind of behavior (often called enabling).
• Developing Other Codependent Relationships. Family members may interact with each other in codependent ways.

Children may react by:

• Overachieving. They may feel pressure to be the best in school, sports, etc., to give the family something to be proud of.
• Rebelling. They may cause trouble to draw attention away from the family's other problems and to act out anger.
• Clowning. They may seek to relieve tension at home by never seeming to take anything seriously.
• Withdrawing. They may spend a lot of time alone or with friends, to escape from family life.

• Emotional Numbness. After experiencing painful feelings for a long time, many codependents simply stop feeling at all.
• Depression. The tension and uncertainty of the codependent's life may lead to feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. Some may even attempt suicide.
• Low Self-esteem. Codependents often feel that when the addicted person fails, they've failed. This self-blaming can lead to a loss of self-esteem.
• Addictive Behavior. Codependents may turn to alcohol, food, gambling, etc., to try to deal with pain.
• Health Problems. The stress of codependency can lead to or worsen physical problems such as:
  • headaches
  • ulcers
  • asthma
  • high blood pressure
• Problems with Relationships. Codependents may not be willing or able to share the trust, openness and honesty needed for a close relationship. When codependents do establish relationships, they're often unhealthy ones.

Breaking Out of Codependency
It takes time, help and courage -- but it can be done! Family and friends can begin to regain control of their lives by:

• Recognizing the Situation. Before healing can begin, codependents must realize that:
  • their loved one is truly addicted to a drug or behavior
  • their lives have been harmed by their relationship with the addicted person
• Getting Help. Codependents need help from people who understand their problems. Without it, problems may get worse.
• Taking Care of Their Own Needs. Codependents are used to thinking about the addicted person's needs -- at their own expense. Learning to care for themselves and lead healthier lives takes time.
• Accepting their Limits. Codependents must learn that the addicted person is responsible for his or her addiction. It takes courage to give back control -- there's no guarantee that the person will get help.

What causes addiction?
There may be many factors. Family history, stress and personality are just a few of the possible causes.

Who will help the addicted person if I don't?
There are many sources of help available. But it's up to the addicted person to accept this help.

Why not leave well enough alone?
Because codependency isn't 'well enough' at all. Treatment can mean a better life for the codependent. It may lead the addicted person to accept help, too.

How can I stop caring about the addicted person?
You don't have to. But, you can learn to start caring for your own life, and stop trying to control someone else's.

Can't I change someone if my love is strong enough?
Love is a powerful force. But it can't cure another person's addiction, just as it can't cure an illness such as diabetes or asthma.

Aren't parents responsible for their children?
Parents are legally responsible for a child's actions. But remember, only the addicted person can accept treatment and overcome addiction.

Self-Help Groups
These groups offer support and knowledge from people who have shared similar experiences. Groups are available for friends and relatives of people with addictions of all kinds. For more information, call:

Codependents Anonymous (CoDA)
1-602-277-7991

Al-Anon Family Groups
1-800-344-2666 (for meetings in this area)
1-800-356-9996 (for general information)

Nar-Anon Family Groups
1-310-547-5800

Or check the phone book under 'Alcoholism,' 'Drug Abuse,' etc.

This information is not a substitute for an informed discussion with a mental health professional or your health-care provider about the procedures, information, symptoms, medications or diagnoses described on this page.

Western Arkansas Counseling and Guidance Center, Inc.
Contact Us Online
Fort Smith, Arkansas, 72917
Tel. 479/452-6650,
TF. 800/542-1031,
Fax. 479/452-5847